A 2009 Resolution List, for Posterity. Umm, and Posteriors.

OK, 2009. Here's the deal. Resolutions normally kick my ass, but I'm feeling, oh, I don't know, hopeful? Optimistic?

So, in the spirit of potential folly, I propose a few resolutions for myself for the New Year.

1. Start running again. You know you can do this, you've done it before, you know you feel a hell of a lot better than you have felt these last few years since you stopped. Just, err, do it.

2. Once and for all, confront your demons about this doctorate. Are you going to finish it, or are you going to stop here? If you stop, can you find any redemption from the efforts of the last six and a half years? You owe that much to yourself. Be strong.

3. Get organized. You have a tiny little house that could be quite charming if you didn't need hipwaders to slosh through all the CRAP. And now you have to share your abode with a dog. Don't think she hasn't noticed the clutter, by the way. You know you are a packrat. Be brutal and ditch some of this stuff, will you?

4. Stop being a doormat. You are a people pleaser and there are people in your life who know it. You are worth redefining yourself and your relationships. If they can't take it, screw 'em.

5. Find out where your money is going. Find out where your money is going so that you can hang on to as much of it as possible and you can have the freedom to spend it on what you want as often as possible. Like an iMac. And some new kitchen cabinets.

I should stop here, not because there aren't a million other ideas worth consideration and inclusion, but because I know myself well enough to know that my indian princess name should be Bites-Off-More-Than-Can-Chew.

So, blogs are cool that way. I can hold myself accountable as I truly have a plan IN WRITING this year. That's a first. Kind of psyched to get started. Happy New Year to you. See you on the other side.

NaNo NaNo

So the blog doesn't write itself, go figure.

Keeping a blog going requires discipline, which has never been a high priority of mine, despite high marks for the wonderful people around me who employ it in their lives.

It requires imagination, which I have in fleeting moments, but they generally happen when I'm in the car, or even worse, while I am at the bedside of a dying patient for whom I am caring. I have tried to start keeping Post-Its in random places throughout my life so that inspiration will not be lost (not at the patient bedside, of course, but you get the idea).

It requires a little bit of ego, or confidence, or chutzpah, that says, "I can talk about toast for three pages and SOMEONE out there will totally want to read the whole damn thing." But the beauty of the internet is that, Yes, Carolyn, there is.

I totally admire these brave souls who have engaged in this ritual NaNoMo thang, religiously blogging, or noveling, or knitting every day for the month of November. Maybe by the time next November rolls around, I will have gotten the hang of all this... We can hope.

Huh?

Thoughts are so muddled on this Election Eve, and I can think of several reasons for this including but not limited to:

1. Daylight Savings hangover (this is extremely underrated. I had a yawning fit at about 8:30 that was not to be believed)
2. Oversaturation of the feeble brain (mine) with too much election related information/propaganda. And I voted already.
3. Sister's jewelry party yesterday was quite a success but came with a stay at her home with her young, extremely active children and then a full day of planning, execution and clean-up.
4. Just because it's Monday

Am glad that I did already vote, because I can cross "the boredom and ennui which should not but does accompany waiting in line even for voting" off my list of downside items for tomorrow.

And they told two friends, and so on, and so on...

So I get my hair cut at a nursing home. Really. For my work, I go to visit and work with people on hospice who also happen to reside at nursing homes. About a year ago, I discovered that my boss gets her hair cut at one of them, and her hair is always exceptionally cute. Apparently in addition to the "live-in" clients, the salon also has a modest clientele out in the world. Why wouldn't they? A haircut costs ten bucks! So I started going there and it has worked out surprisingly well. Tonight I had company while I was getting my haircut: Dorothy, a resident at the facility had wheeled herself down to the salon from her suite and would be getting a wash and set as the final client of the day. Carrie, my friend and stylist, was originally going to see if Dorothy would be willing to come back when I was done, but I told her it was ok and we had a great conversation about hairstyles and how they have changed over the years, and how Dorothy used to wear her hair as a young woman versus now. Carrie finished my hair and I paid and bade farewell to the ladies. As I got in my car, I was thinking that sometimes it's just nice to have a little company, and realized that this may have been more true for me than for Dorothy.

Art - it's not just a person

So I belong to this very artistic family. My mother was in advertising in NYC in the 60's (can you imagine how cool, boggles the mind) and continues to paint and sketch and bead and knit. My sister decided while she was in high school that she wanted to be a glassblower and this dream was only squashed by a chronic heart condition. She nonetheless got an MFA in glass media and is in the process, ten years later, of growing a jewelry business with a lot of potential. In the meantime, I have dabbled on the very surface of some art, and am fascinated by the idea of art therapy, which we use in earnest at the hospice where I work. My mother and sister have been trying to encourage me to find my own artistic muse, but I am not built the way they are, with crazy amounts of confidence and the ability to "sell" the work to others. Maybe that's why I do like art therapy, where the art is most often done BY the artist and specifically FOR the artist. I've been knitting recently and when my sister generously offered to cut me in to her website by having me knit some hats and scarves, I graciously (I hope) declined. It is enough for me to see a positive result of something I have been working on. Maybe it's because of my work at hospice: since ALL of my patients ultimately die, I have to go on faith that I did good. With art of any media, having it right in front of me provides me with a great deal of fulfillment, letting me know that I did good, and maybe that's all I need.

Trite but effective

OK, so I figured if I did one of those '100 Things About Me' lists that I find so fascinating in other peoples' blogs that would be a great way to launch this and put my stuff out there, as it were. But I found that 100 Things seemed a little daunting and since I've always been one for biting off more than I can chew (hey, there's an interesting thing about me, no? No? Fine whatever) maybe 50 would be better. And 25 would be even better than that. So there you go.

1. I just turned 40.
2. I'm a social worker for a local hospice.
3. I find that the previous statement is a remarkable conversation killer at cocktail parties.
4. I love my job, and most days, I think I am good at it.
5. I have been dating the same man for over six years.
6. I have such mixed feelings about this relationship I don't even know where to begin.
7. I have been trying to get a PhD in sociology for over six years.
8. See #6
9. I tried to adopt a baby girl earlier this year and almost got her but I got cold feet.
10. I think this broke my heart a little, too.
11. I have a hard time following through with big decisions.
12. I own my own little house and I got and bought it all by myself. This was big.
13. I'm not sure I know what I want anymore.
14. I don't drink anymore.
15. I do know I don't want to drink again.
16. I am really short.
17. A while back a co-worker told me I looked like Gillian Anderson. While flattered, I told her she needed glasses.
18. I seriously thinking about getting a puppy.
19. I read like crazy and often have three books going at once.
20. I am a better cook than I think I am.
21. I just learned how to knit and am enjoying it immensely. I am surprised how un-uptight I am about it.
22. I support and plan to vote for Barack Obama for president. This country needs courage and change and I need to believe Obama can help us regain these things.
23. I am not as good a driver as I think I am.
24. I am a huge Cleveland Indians fan and love to listen to them play on the radio on a summer night.
25. I have no tattoos but if I ever got one I think it would be of Chief Wahoo.

Well, there I am, in a nutshell. Knew I had to just start somewhere. So here we go.